Thoughts about Inay

Once in a Blue Moon
The first and only time that I slept in my Lola's room was way back in 1982 or in the early part of 1983. We were living in our grandparents' house during that time. I can still remember the red and yellow checkered mosquito net, the maroon blanket that I didn't use 'coz I recall that it was hot that night, and my Inay who was sleeping at the double-sized bed adjacent to mine. She was so visible because of the extraordinarily bright moonlight that was shining on her.


It was probably after midnight (when I was a kid, I used to wake up in the wee hours of the morning to check on my shorts,I was a frequent bed wetter back then). When I looked outside through the diamond shaped iron grills, I noticed that there were two moons just above Ate Ilo's roof. They were identical both in size and in brightness. To my naked eyes,they were just several inches apart.


I quickly woke Inay up to tell her about the two moons. She told me that one was the moon (full-moon ) and beside it was planet Venus (a morning star). She then told me to go back to sleep which I hardly did. The sight of the twin moons was so magnificent and fantastic that I had to take a glimpse of it from time to time until both had disappeared behind our roof.


A simple life
A year's stay in our grandparents' house had enabled me to observe Inay closely. I had noticed that she always rose up very early,around 4:30 am every morning. She would bathe and dress up in her long brown dress with a matching black veil and brown and white scapular. She would then walk to the cathedral to hear the daily 5 am mass. She would return home at around 6 am with hot pandesal in hand. Afterwards, she would fry the leftover rice from the night before and cook whatever was available as viand. Then, she would boil water for coffee. A can of red queensland mantikilya was always beside the brown paper filled with pandesal.


After all of us, her kids and grandkids, had eaten, she would quickly wash the dishes and bring the leftovers outside for the cats. "Ming ming ming ming ming." She'd always hum it and the cats would run towards her. Now in her usual floral or plain duster attire, she would walk to the market, an abaca basket tucked in her left arm. She always returned via a tricycle with the basket full of either meat or fish and vegetables. More often than not, she would bring us butchi-butchi, palamig, and fruits that were in season during those days.


Depending on the day of the week, she would bring a combination of either Espesyal, Tagalog, Hiwaga, TSS, and Funny komiks rolled and wrapped in cut newspaper. Then she would prepare and cook lunch, feed us, wash the dishes, and feed the cats again. After this, she would take her siesta time watching noon time shows until she falls asleep.


At around 3pm, she'd be doing other household chores, and she would prepare and cook dinner by 6 pm. After we eat, she would, together with Tita Elvie, wash the dishes and clean the kitchen. Then she'd engage in small talk with whoever was there. Lastly, she would retire for the night.


That's about it. 24/7. Year in, year out.
I don't know how anyone could embrace a boring daily routine for the rest of their lives just to give their children a degree of consistency. Consistency in the good quality of food and the time it was being served everyday. Consistency in providing their kids with clean ironed clothes day in and day out. Etc, etc. But Inay Naida did it! She had learned to love a humdrum existence so that she could give her children and her children's kids an orderly home and a constant comfortable living.


Pet peeve
In the long years that I had been with Inay, I had never heard her, not even once, complain about her backbreaking chores. Even though stress would definitely bring the worst in most people, she had never badmouthed nor physically punished her erring children and apos even during her most stressed condition. I haven't witnessed her employ the classic pandidilat or panduduro either.


Her only pet peeve that would make her slightly mad at us, her voice rising as she would scold us, was wastage. Whenever any of us would forget to turn off the lights and appliances or turn the faucet off, she would scold us in a high voice, "hay naku, patayin ang bumbilya pag hindi ginagamit," "hay naku, patayin ang gripo pagkatapos gamitin. Maraming taong walang magamit na tubig tapos inaaksaya niyo." Or sometimes when we play with water using the garden hose, "hay naku, wag kayong mag latite. Aksaya sa tubig."


That's how she was. She had a clear distinction between accidentally breaking anything inside the house and deliberately or negligently wasting anything of value.


Lahat pantay-pantay
Living in Inay's house was like living in a war zone. Various conflicts would sometimes erupt. Sheila vs Api, Api vs Art, Art vs Noel, Noel vs Api, etc. But not even once did Inay took sides in those fights. She would never scold or lecture anyone in particular. In fact, she would never scold both parties at all. She'd never bother to know whose fault it was. She woud just sigh, "hay naku, sakit na kayo ng ulo. Ako'y nagpapahinga eh hiyawan kayo ng hiyawan" or "hay naku, ako'y mamamatay na sa inyo. Away na kayo ng away."


I know it's hard to maintain such parental neutrality. Most parents have their own favorites. Subconsciously, they will quickly reprimand their other kids who have fought against the apples of their eyes and correct it later on after they realize their mistakes. But not Inay. To her, all were equal. You could be an apo, ang bunsoy, or the guwapong malambing; but when it comes to conflicts or just about anything, we were all treated pantay-pantay.


Glass half-full
Whenever I listen to Inay and to whoever it was she's conversing with in their veranda, Inay would oftentimes praise me sometime during my stay. She would tell me, "ang guwapo ni Roy, puwedeng pang That's Entertainment!" Or, "matalino yang si Roy." These despite the fact that I was missing my front teeth and was an average or below average student in high school. However,I can tell that it wasn't flattery for I can see it in her eyes, and feel it in her voice - the sincerity of her words as she uttered it. She has this uncanny ability to make you feel good about yourself.


I have observed also in her numerous conversations with family members that she always gave positive comments for anyone that was the subject of their talks. She didn't have bad views of anyone that she knew. She never engaged in rumor mongering or chismis type of conversation.


She always had a good story to tell about someone she knew from way back. I like the story about her former neighbor in Zamboanga. He was a Chinese businessman. He had, early in his life, struggled to make a living selling mami and siopao but he ended up as one of the richest person in Zamboanga City. Her Chinese neighbor had told her that money is like a string and that whenever you earn it, you should tie it on ends and roll it in a thread-like manner. "At pag marami na, saka ka ngayon babawas ng paunt-unti. Eh tayong mga Pilipino, pagkakakita ng tali eh pinapangtustos kaagad sa layaw. Bili nare, bili nuon, kaya nauubos ang sinulid."


Sadly, though I have heard that story at least a dozen times from her, I still failed to grasp the meaning or significance of it.


Not your typical Grandma
Most parents and grannies had had to shower their loved ones with material things and nice food. They often brought them to expensive diners and famous places. They build small fortunes to leave behind their children. Aside from loving them, they do these to gain their affection and undying love. But Inay Naida doesn't need any of these to earn our love and affection. Besides, she can't afford it. Inay would give us minimal amount of money during birthdays and Christmas. Certainly not out of frugality but out of incapability. She would give us one or two pesos for buying her a bottle of coconut oil or soy sauce "dun kena ka Tilde," though.


Sans the material things was the person herself. She has devoted all her life for her loved ones. She doesn't have any form of recreation except betting few pesos daily on Jueteng. She doesn't buy fancy clothes or shoes. She doesn't buy jewelry. She doesn't go shopping in different places outside Lipa even though she could later on in life. She had not ventured in time consuming endeavors for whatever purpose. In short, she had invested all her time, energy, and resources to her family.


She doesn't speak ill against members of her family. She doesn't swore or enforce corporal punishments for any offense. She will never put you down in front of anybody. She will never embarrass you. She will never treat you with contempt for constantly adding burden to her already burdensome household chores. She's the truest form of the word mother or "Inay" as we call her.


She would always welcome us happily in her home whenever we went there. She would genuinely offer us the food on the table even if it was for Art or Maricris. She would always sincerely advise us to study hard and hear Mass every Sunday. She would always show her appreciation for our achievements. And most of all, by knowing all of us by name, we were assured of our value to her.


If your grandma doesn't know your name, then chances are, you are of no account to her.


Conspiracy
Going back to that night I had spent with Inay, I was 8 years old when it happened. Now, most people my age had surely forgotten scenes in their lives that took place 28 years ago. Sleeping in your Lola's room was presumably not that exciting or that significant to merit its retention in your brain. But those scenes close to three decades ago were still clear to me. The surrounding of that room. The bedroom fixtures and accessories. The illuminated features of Inay as she lay in her bed. Ate Ilo's house as viewed from Inay's room. I still remember it all after those long years. Why why why?


But now I understand. By providing a magnificent celestial sight on that fateful night, the Universe had conspired to make my one and only night with Inay a very memorable one.